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| I don't know why I let people get to me so easily. I hate not having the courage to say something back when someone makes me angry. Sometimes I feel so helpless.. I hate making enemies and I hate having tension especially when you have to see that person everyday. I hate it when people get bitchy just because something doesn't go their way. Maybe I'm being hypocrital for saying this, since I always want things my way also and sometimes even get upset when things don't go my way. Anyways, I hate dealing with slackers and people who act like they don't care about school. Again, maybe hypocrital since sometimes I tend to slack off too and get frustrated about school, but I have my priorities straight. There are times that I feel lazy and I don't really feel like doing school work, but what I've come to realized is, I spend a lot of time studying. I spend MOST of my free time studying. I don't go out as much as "normal" college students my age does.
Actually I'm not even sure where I'm going with this but sometimes people make me angry. I hate the fact that it's hard for me to say "no." When people ask me to do things or for anything, there's plenty of time where I want to say no, but I end up just doing whatever for them anyways. I wish things didn't get to me easily. I wish I can be like some people and just say "FUCK IT!" It seems like people never grow up. I hate that I always try to see the good in people, then in the end, they just end up being the bitch that people say they are.
On the brighter side, the semester's almost over. I need a break.
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| It's been about a month since the semester has started. For some reason, everything feels so different. I remember those days after classes, I'll have lunch with people or something along those lines, now I just kind of go off and do my own thing....Mostly going somewhere to do some homework or readings. The SAC seems to be filled with freshmen nowadays, well.. then again I'm not too sure since I don't remember the last time I've been there. I wish I had a study buddy of same major or a study group, or some sort of study thing that will help me stay on top of my studies better. But it's okay I guess, I'm doing alright by myself. Everyone seems so isolated, or maybe I just stopped surrounding myself with people whom I used to call "friends." But I think it's better that way. For instance, this one person has said something along the lines of "I hate people who talk sh*t, get a life" or something like that... But from what I recall, she's the main one talking smack about others and then.... she's like bff with that same person again. Like seriously? I mean, I admit, as humans, and girls we all gossip. That's probably a part of our nature. But there's a fine line between talking sh*t & gossiping. But anyways, it's better this way, me not surrounded by those kinds of people.
As for school, a lot of my classes are really boring. I think Accounting is the only challenging class, but the damn teacher doesn't teach. Dr Wurst is the worst. sighs. There's also MIS, it's ridiculously boring. It's probably only like 40% of the class that's actually present in that damn lecture class. Then there's development & globalization, I cannot understand his accent. Mosaic is okay I guess, but too much reading, must I add, BORING readings :( & then there's statistics, too wordy. I miss having regular math. ugh.
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| Happy August?
Since it's August, that means summer's almost over and school's around the corner. Due to working full time, I'm ready to start school again, but once those papers and exams start to hit, I'll be ready to cry again.
I did have a mini vacation with the family in Maryland last weekend. It was great. I miss that place & my little boy Bryan<3 I wonder what the kids are doing without us there. Anyways, lately I just don't have anything to look forward to anymore. Stuff at work is starting to annoy me. Maybe I'm just too naive to believe the good in people because no one cares about you and your feelings. They only care about themselves. No matter how it seems, if someone's trying to look out for you, they're only looking out for themselves. People are selfish and two-faced. When I first started working there, someone once said to me "you'll learn to hate the people you work with." Now, I finally understand what she meant. Don't get me wrong, there are some really cool people there also. I guess no matter where you are, there will always be those b*tches that wants to ruin your mood.
So lately, I'm just learning not to care about anything anymore, not expecting anything anymore. Everything's whatever. I don't want to think or worry about things that stresses me out because I don't need to be stressed. It's still summer. There's nothing really to look forward to anymore either since I just work everyday. If not, I'm pretty much just at home doing nothing. Lazy to go out because I don't want to take the bus and don't feel like bothering others for ride. Everyone's in their own little world and doing their own thing. I don't like the rain, it makes me emotional and think. I don't like thinking. =]
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| Another day. blah.
I feel like I don't have anything to look forward to anymore. I go to work, I come home, I eat, then sleep. When I wake up, the same cycle repeats. Makes me feel like not going to work. At work, I just wait for the hours to past so I can go home. Sometimes work isn't bad depending who's there with me. But rarely do I get shifts with people I talk to more and what not. I miss my boyfriend =[, I rarely get to see him because of work and parents and he has his MCATs coming up so i don't want to bother him while he's studying. BLAH. If working full time is like this, I'm scared to grow up and start working in the real world where all we do is work and work. But then again, it might be different because once we're grown up we'll have a family to come home to. Perhaps, then it wouldn't be as bad.
I'm in my bed typing this and I have to be at work at 12 so I gotta get ready soon. I don't even know why I feel so crappy. I miss him. I really don't feel like getting up for work. I just stay in bed and sleep. =(
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| AH! It's already July. Time's flying so fast ! less than two months before school start. I actually kind of miss school =X... Working is so tiring blah. I really wish my parents would sell the restaurant already. It's so tiring having to work full time, then still help my parents sometimes. Then I would feel bad when I don't help them and stuff. I rarely go out and when I do, they always complain. Even when I don't go out, they still find something to complain about. It's ridiculous.
Sometimes there's so much thoughts going on in my head. So afraid of changes. Afraid of growing up and facing the real world. Wondering how life would be on my own. Sometimes, I think maybe it's not that bad of an idea if our parents let us go when we're 18, so we can face the world. If they never let us go, how are suppose to know how hard it is to be on our own?
I always have tons of thoughts running through my head but when I sit and decides to write on xanga, my mind's blank...lol -.-
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